It is a myth that sex after childbirth, and sex before pregnancy are exactly the same. They are not.
Having a baby is a life-defining event. It’s like flipping the light switch and fusing it “ON”, so the light will never again go out. Your body is forever different. Not necessarily better or worse, but different. We work with women and couples after childbirth to enhance the sexual experience when personal efforts have become frustrating.
Let’s define the word sex. If you decide to gather some more online information on sex after childbirth, be sure to find out how the author defines the word SEX. When used here, it refers to all activities that one person alone may do with herself or himself which she or he finds erotic; or those activities that two (or more) people share consensually that they find erotic. SEX is more than just penis-vagina intercourse.
There are many online resources that will give you lots of information about kick starting your sexuality after your baby is born. Many websites will tell you all about “averages,” what is usual for couples, and they will point out that it is different for every couple. Of course, it is! There is also information to answer almost any question you may have on this topic. We offer a fresh perspective.
For some women, sex gets better. For some women, sex is never as good again. For many women, sex eventually returns to pretty much the way it was before pregnancy, although their bodies have changed. Having a good partnership help your successful resumption of sex.
Sex often begins with the self before it involves anyone else. How can you help your partner to share successful sex with you if you haven’t yet felt sexual, or if you don’t know how your body feels to your own touch?
Is this a hint at masturbation? More than just a hint. An outright suggestion. Most women find that the surest way to have an orgasm is with masturbation by themselves. Many women find the first orgasm after delivery to be the answer to the important question, “Will I ever cum again…or want to?” Many women after delivery have said, “I’ll never have sex again.” For those women uncomfortable with masturbation, the same principles apply.
After the baby comes, when you think you are ready to become sexual again, you should go back to the starting block, to yourself. You know best about you. If you are not feeling sexual, or responding to stimuli that under other conditions have produced erotic response, then you may not even be ready for masturbation, yet alone partnered sex.
Some women find erotic stimulation from breast-feeding. (In some cultures this is a widely recognized phenomenon.) If you are nursing, you may want to notice whether this stimulation feels erotic to you, or how it feels emotionally. Many nursing women comment that although they may find breast-feeding sexually stimulating, they are not interested in orgasm, and they are not ready for either masturbation or partnered sex. The constant body contact with the baby has satisfied much of their need for touch, and the idea of having more physical contact with the other parent is not erotic or desirable.
So, even if you’re ready for masturbation and you’re ready for partnered sex, you may not be ready for intercourse, so don’t start off pushin’ the pedal to the floor. Take it slowly. Both of you might want to take a number of driving lessons with this new vehicle, your post delivery body. Go slowly, get to know each other all over, and let things develop naturally. Strong communication is critical. This is another area where many couples get stuck, and where we can be of assistance.
© Dr. David Hersh