Sexual Concerns

Various treatments exist for helping individuals and couples with sexual difficulties.

These are some of the sexual concerns, problems and dysfunctions that we see. The list is inclusive but not exhaustive.

  • Polyamory
  • Passion & Pleasure
  • Painful Intercourse
  • Midlife & Older Sex
  • Lubrication Problems
  • Low Sexual Desire
  • Intimacy Issues
  • Guilt and Shame
  • Gender Identity
  • Fetishes
  • Delayed Ejaculation
  • Coping with Erectile Difficulties
  • Becoming Orgasmic
  • BDSM
  • Arousal Issues
  • Alternative Lifestyles
  • Rapid Ejaculation
  • Religious Boundaries
  • “Sex or Porn Addiction?”
  • Sexual Compulsivity
  • Sexual Mythologies
  • Sexual Orientation
  • Sexual Satisfaction
  • The G-Spot and Female Ejaculation
  • When Sex Isn’t Good
  • Worrisome Fantasies

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  • Who asks for help?

Here are excerpts from inquiries we have received. If you see yourself or someone you love or care about, know that you are not alone.

Dear Dr. Hersh

My husband is a sex addict and a compulsive masturbator who suffers enormously with this addiction. I, as his wife, know better than anyone else just exactly how deep rooted and how vast this problem is for him, and how embarrassed he feels about it.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I am 29 yrs old. In the last few years I have come to understand that i am bisexual, and I have been on anti-depression pills for the last 3 years. I am trying to understand and accept things. I have come across a guy that I care for deeply and want to start a relationship with him. He is having a hard time accepting the fact that he is gay. I am trying to help him and also help myself out.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

We have been married for 7 years and have 4½ year old twin boys. Sexual intimacy has been an issue for almost 6 years. We really need to look at this.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

My husband and I are experiencing marital problems that we cannot seem to fix. We have a 15-month-old son who, we feel, has nothing to do with these issues. Primarily we have problems with intimacy, and have probably since the beginning of our 7-year relationship, and now we find we are beginning to lose our friendship, as well. We desperately want to save our marriage.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I seriously think there is something wrong with me, and I think it’s causing issues between my boyfriend and me. I have been having sex for the last 5 years and have tried everything, and I have still not been able to orgasm. I just don’t know where to go to get some answers. I tried asking my doctors, but they just look at me funny like why are you asking me this, and then tell me that my boyfriend just isn’t putting enough effort into getting me off, but I know that’s not the case. I’ve spent hours trying to get myself off, and I can’t even do that even with toys or anything. I’m worried that I won’t be able to have a sexually pleasing relationship with anyone ever, and that will ultimately doom me to remain single forever.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

My girlfriend and I are having some trouble. I take a very long time to orgasm with her, which bothers her. I have never been able to orgasm quickly with anyone. I also have to fantasize about her with other guys in order for me to orgasm.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I’m a 30-year-old man who is getting married in next month, but I’m suffering with the problem of premature/early ejaculation whereas my partner wants long lasting intercourse between us.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

In the past 7 months I’ve started having premature ejaculation, and it has come out of nowhere. I am in a stable relationship for the past 2 years. My partner and myself both wish to have this issue reviewed and resolved.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I am looking for a therapist who can help me examine why I have intimacy and sex problems. I cannot remember any real events which prevent me from enjoying myself, and the lack of feeling has been a large contributing factor to the recent marriage problems. It caused my spouse to find another woman, even though he loves me and I him. For us to survive this, I need to learn how to enjoy sex and let people get close to me.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I am 46, and I am seeking some help with the difficulties my boyfriend and I are having. He is 51, and since I have been with him the last two years, he has delayed ejaculation. He ejaculates and reaches the orgasm on an average of one in seven times. The situation has created some stress into our sex life. We also know that it is not physical because he can reach orgasm about 70% of the time with masturbation.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

My wife and I are in need of relationship/sex therapy. We have been married for nearly 3 years, together nearly 5. I am 39 and she 29. We have a few challenges, but we seem to agree that most stem from my erectile dysfunction that began when we met, and has not improved.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

My husband and I are seeking couples counselling after ten years together (five married). Having three children in the last four years has really altered our lives, and we find we’re having more and more trouble communicating. Things we could ignore in the past simply can’t be ignored when our time alone together is so limited.

We want a therapist who can work with us on communication, but who will also not diagnose polyamory as the “problem.” In addition to being in a poly-fidelity relationship, we are dominant and submissive. We need a professional who understands, and has an open mind, about D/s.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I am 5 months into a new relationship and am continuing to have erectile problems. I have had limited success with ED drugs, but the drive and passion still seem to be missing. I am 39 years old and this is my first relationship in about 15 years. I’ve always known I had performance anxiety, but thought I would get over it once I got into a loving relationship but it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I am 27-years-old and recently started dating a new girl. Everything is great, and we both have very strong feelings for each other. I like her so much that I am afraid of dissapointing her in bed, and now I have a hard time even getting/keeping an erection when I’m with her, as I can’t stop thinking I’m not going to be good enough. We just spent a week together (it’s a long distance relationship), and I was unable to have intercourse with her the entire time, as I couldn’t get an erection the first night, and then worried about that happening again everytime we tried. She is a very sexual person and a lot younger than me. She is getting quite frustrated and with good reason! I really like this girl and can’t stop thinking all day about how I’m gonna lose her if I don’t smarten up. I know its probably all in my head but I just don’t know what to do anymore.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I am a mother of 2 kids, ages 9 and 6 years old. I am a wife to a 43-year-old loving husband. I am 44-years-old and am having a problem of having daily intercourse with my husband. I do get tired at the end of the day which ends at 11 PM, and I drop off to sleep pretty quickly because I know my day starts at 6 AM. My husband on the other hand does not mind staying up later and enjoying, but because of me he reads and goes to sleep.

Secondly, I hate when my husband touches me on my breasts all the time during the day or whenever he is at home. When the kids are around or not he tries to touch me on my breasts, and I am not comfortable with that all the time. Can you help me find out how I can cope with these problems and have a better way of making my husband feel happy and have better sex/intercourse?

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Dear Dr. Hersh

My husband and I are having some sexual difficulties. For one, I seem to have absolutely no interest in wanting to have sex, and, I have not in my entire life been able to have an orgasm. Now at the age of 28, it is very frustrating for myself and my husband. This has been going on for a few years now, and we need to get the problem rectified if we expect our relationship to continue.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I’m seeking help for overcoming what I believe is performance anxiety. I can get an erection on my own and while sleeping, but things don’t work as easily when I’m with my wife. I have had this condition for pretty much as long as I’ve been sexual active. I have gone to the doctor and have a prescription which helps a bit but not enough.

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Dear Dr. Hersh

I am really hoping my husband will consider coming to you. We’ve been married almost 10 yrs (plus dating and living together for and additional 7 prior to marriage), and are unfortunately on the verge of divorce. We have already been to 4 different counsellors over the years.

My husband does not seem to have any sexual desire. He does not suffer from ED. We have only a little intimacy in our relationship and intercourse barely once a year. Recently I expressed to him that I have realized that I am not able to live the rest of my life without this kind of intimacy with my spouse. And, I also admitted that I am feeling tempted to go outside our relationship (as I did in the past). I also told him that I am willing to do whatever it will take to ‘fix’ it.

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